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Fan Fiction

Title: Love is paradise
(Love has dropped by)
Author: Trang Le Thu
Genre: Romance
Started: 21. December 2001

© Trang Le Thu 2001/02
Disclaimer: This story is a purely fiction. Nothing here is true!! All Hawaii descriptions come from the internet and guide books.

PART 14

This time you all want the same... I love it :)) So here we go, Paddy gets a chance to meet Agnes.

7 months later...
Paddy leaned his head against the bus window, weary from the overnight drive. They had traveled straight through the night from Utrecht, right after their show had ended. Only to bring them back to the one city in the world he would have paid an obscene amount of money to avoid at all costs. Bonn. Agnes's city. Her home.
He hadn't been back here since that fateful day in summer when he had confronted Scott at his door. Whereas he used to love Bonn, now the city only held painful memories of lost love. She was somewhere there… That thought made his heart ache. After 7 long months, he should have been totally over her by now. But not a day went by that she didn't cross his mind.
He used to relive that wonderful week in Hawaii over and over in his mind, losing himself in the memories. And then he would imagine what things would have been like for them as a couple. He dreamed about proudly walking down the red carpet at the Bravo Super Show and every other award show with her on his arm. He dreamed about the Christmas Eve they could have spent together cuddled by the fireplace. He dreamed about counting down in the new year eve kissing her. His fairy tale dreams were endless…
And now here it was, a gloomy February morning, only 3 days before Valentine's Day, but he had no love to celebrate. He knew better than to try and conjure up yet another painful scenario for this holiday.
The melancholy sound of Savage Garden blared through his Discman as he watched the crowded streets of rush hour speed by.

I'm gunning down romance
It never did a thing for me
But heartache and misery
Ain't nothing but a tragedy

Sighing loudly, Paddy tore the headphones off his ears and threw his Discman aside.
Jimmy looked over from the table from where he and Angelo were playing chess.
"What's wrong?"
"The CD sucks!" Paddy grumbled.
"Affirmation?" Angelo asked in surprise. "Are you kidding me?!? That's an awesome album! Kira loves it!"
Paddy took the CD out of the Discman, cracked it in half and dropped the pieces in Angelo's lap as he walked past.
"It's a piece of shit. If you want you can give it to your wife!" he mumbled and disappeared to the back of the bus. He pulled his bunk curtains aside and was about to lay down when he saw Joey curled up in his space. "What are you doing in my bunk!?" Paddy yelled in annoyance, shaking him out of his sleep.
"I was too lazy to climb up to mine." a weary eyed Joey responded.
"Get out!" he yelled, pulling Joey by the arm and dropping him to the floor. Reclaiming his territory, he snapped the curtains shut with defiance.
A groggy Joey hobbled over to the table, rubbing his knee.
"Are you okay?" Maite asked him without looking up from her book.
"Fine!" he muttered, pulling up a chair to join them. "What triggered that lovely temper tantrum?"
"A CD" Jimmy cracked. He really saw nothing amusing about Paddy's pain and heartache, but they all needed to have a sense of humor if they were going to survive it.
Angelo passed the broken pieces over to Joey and then slyly took Jimmy's queen in his next move.
"We knew it would be bad once we got to Bonn!" Patricia agreed. "He just needs more time, I guess."
"But he was doing okay."
Angelo took Jimmy's bishop, announcing:
"Checkmate." Then he turned to Joey and said "Once we start rehearsing tomorrow, he'll be fine. We'll be so busy working our asses off that he won't have time for all the old memories, you'll see."
"I hope you're right" Joey said skeptically.
"I'm always right" Angelo bragged proudly, trapping Jimmy's king for the final winning move. "And I always kick Jimmy's butt in chess too!"

"Owww!! Paddy!! That's the third time you played wrong!!!" Joey exclaimed in pain. "Concentrate a little, would ya?"
"I'm sorry!" Paddy yelled, wiping a frustrated hand across his sweat brow. "I'm just not used to this guitar. When I don't have my guitar it makes me nervous."
"Take five, guys!" Jimmy called out "You've played this songs for so many times. What's the matter?"
"I'm just not used to this guitar. How could they break my guitar. Our crew is useless. You have to do everything by yourself."
"This one is almost like yours. And the songs are old. Only three songs on this guitar. You can play it with having your eyes closed."
"Yeah, the three songs with this thing." Paddy muttered, walking over to get his water bottle.
They were in the hall doing a sound-check before tomorrow night's show. It was after midnight, and they were all tired, but Paddy was being way too uncooperative. He had forgotten part of his lyrics to "Let it shine", blanking out in the middle of the song. And now he was complaining about the guitar. The guys all knew it had to do with him being back in Bonn for the first time since last summer, but nobody was brave enough to broach the subject.

He had remained pretty depressed all throughout August and September, but luckily, he never let it affect his performance. To the fans, he was still the same old Paddy they knew and loved, the only difference being his newly grown beard. But to his siblings, he had changed. He stopped cracking jokes, and his happy outlook was traded in for a more sullen, apathetic demeanor. He had stopped going to after-parties, just spending the nights alone in his hotel room. And when they were on the road, he spent the long hours in his bunk with his Discman his only companion. 
But as the months went by and his broken heart healed a bit more each day, he began to lighten up. He smiled more often and spent more free time with the group rather than alone. He'd drift off once in a while, haunted by old memories, but never let himself remain in that funk for too long. He kept reminding himself he had a job to do, and he directed all his energy into performing. He still wasn't completely back to his old self, but the guys knew he never would be. He had lost a part of himself when he lost Agnes. And sadly, that part could never be replaced. However, he had actually recovered surprisingly better than they had all expected him to.
He had been making so much progress… until they arrived in Bonn this morning and his downward spiral began again.
"I know you're tired, Pad. We all are. So lets finish this so we can get out of here, huh?" Patricia threw her hand on his shoulder.
An unhappy Paddy surrendered and reclaimed his place at the middle of the stage playing on the guitar he got. Jimmy signaled to the band again and they resumed their playing. The music to "Let it shine" blasted through the speakers as Paddy counted the beats in his head, trying to remain focused on the task. But when Jimmy began singing his verse, Paddy quickly began to drift and made a wrong entry.

His mind was elsewhere. On Agnes, of course. It was 7 months later, but she still continued to haunt him day in and day out. And now that he was back in Bonn, all those old emotions and memories had come recklessly flooding back.

Focus, Kelly, Focus… he kept telling himself.
But ironically, he was focusing so hard that he had become unaware of how dangerously close he had gotten to the edge of the stage. He slipped, lost his footing, and howled as he dropped ten feet down to the floor. The band immediately ceased their playing and the rest of the guys rushed over to see what had happened. They looked down and saw a crumpled Paddy lying on the floor of the arena, wincing as he held his knee in pain.
"Oh god, Pad!" Patricia panicked. "Are you okay?"
"My knee…" he groaned in anguish. "I can't move it. I think it's broken. Damn it!" he cursed aloud in frustration.
"Don't move, Pad!" Jimmy called worriedly. "I'm gonna go call an ambulance."


Agnes slouched over her desk, the words on the page becoming one blurry mess as she fought to stay awake. She could feel herself nodding off again, but immediately jerked back up, rubbing her eyes furiously. She desperately needed caffeine. Shuffling wearily to the kitchen, she poured herself her 4th cup of coffee and returned to her desk. It was after midnight and she was dead tired, but there was no time for sleep. 
This sure was medical school all right.

Tomorrow her class was taking a break from the lecture hall and getting their first taste at the hospital experience. It was part of the new interactive anatomy curriculum. They would make rounds with the doctors, just observing and trying to integrate certain things they had learned so far. Her professor had told the class to focus on the upper and lower extremity in order to prepare, which to Agnes meant they would be looking at quite a bit of x-rays and orthopedic cases. So that was why she had to finish this chapter before going to sleep. She needed to be well-versed for tomorrow. She refused to look like a fool when put on the spot.
Her stereo was playing softly in the background, for it had become one of her habits to study accompanied by music. She just couldn't manage without it.
Ann, her roommate and good friend, burst into her room without knocking.
"Do you mind if I change your station for a sec?" she asked breathlessly. "I think Mike was going to dedicate a song to me tonight. I almost forgot about it."
"Sure, it's all yours." Agnes told her, returning to her books. "What's the occasion?"
"Just to let me know he's thinking of me and missing me." Ann sighed happily.
Agnes turned and regarded her love-sick friend in amusement.
"You're such a sap." she teased.
"I know I am, and I'm proud of it too! Ooh!! Shhh!! I think this is it!" She turned the volume up and sat cross-legged on Agnes's bed with the anticipation of a child.
The DJ's voice came over the speakers, silky smooth.
"This next dedication goes out to Ann from Mike. Ann, if you're listening, Mike says you turned his world around the day he met you. He loves you with all his heart and is counting down the days till he can see your beautiful smile again. So this song's for you Ann, from Mike."
"Aww… he's so sweet!" Agnes fawned to her friend, trying to share in her excitement.
But when she listened closely to the lyrics of the Faith Hill song Mike had chosen, her smile faded quickly as painful memories of what she had lost suddenly came flooding back.

If I'm not in love with you
What is this I'm going through, tonight?
And if my heart is lying then
What should I believe in?
Why do I go crazy,
Every time I think about you baby
Why else do I want you like I do?
If I'm not in love with you
And if I don't need your touch
Why do I miss you so much tonight?
If it's just infatuation then
Why is my heart aching?
To hold you forever
And give a part of me I thought I'd never
Give again to someone I could lose
If I'm not in love with you
Why in every fantasy do I feel your arms embracing me?
Lovers lost in sweet desire
Oh why in dreams do I surrender like a little baby?
Someone help explain this feeling
Someone tell me……
If I'm not in love with you
What is this I'm going through, tonight?
And if my heart is lying then
What should I believe in?
Why do I go crazy 
Every time I think about you baby
Why else do I want you like I do?
If I'm not in love with you…

Yes, it was 7 months later, but Agnes was in no better shape than she had been the day she cried her heart out to Shirley. The demands of school kept her occupied for the most part, and she was forever thankful for the constant distraction, but there would still be times when Paddy would slip back into her thoughts unexpectedly.
As soon as the song ended and Ann left the room, Agnes opened up her bottom desk drawer and took out the small picture frame which she kept hidden in there. Running her hand along the border, she closed her eyes and was overcome with bittersweet memories.
Even though she had been on the verge of strangling him that day for the surprise attack, the picture and the memory now held a special fondness for her.
Agnes opened her eyes and stared at the picture, chuckling softly to herself at the comedic scene it had captured, her falling backwards off the rock, with her legs and arms flailing in every direction and her mouth open in a silent shriek while Paddy's arms were wrapped securely around her waist from behind. He had posed cheek to cheek with her, flashing a mischievous but adorable smile at the camera.

That was the only picture she had of the two of them together and she treasured it with all her heart. They say time heals all wounds, but ironically, time had aggravated her wounds to the point where she couldn't get through the day without thinking about him. Instead of getting easier like she had foolishly thought it would, it became harder and harder to get up each morning and face the day, for she felt like she had nothing left to live for. She was terribly lonely. And the worst part of it all was that she was still madly in love with him.

The next morning...
"Now our next case is quite common, however the accident itself isn't" Dr. Brown explained as he led the group of student the way down the hall.
He flipped through his chart and filled his group in on the patient's history.
"24 year old male, fell off a stage while running. Complains of excruciating pain in his right knee, which he is unable to move. We're going to take a look at his x-rays first and then go and meet this unfortunate young man to take a closer look at his injury."
As Agnes followed her group down the hall, she was so engrossed in her note- taking that she was completely oblivious to the three familiar faces sitting in the waiting room as she passed.

"We're gonna have to postpone the tour for weeks, maybe months." Joey worried out loud "And our schedule is booked for the rest of the year… when will we find the time to make up all the lost shows?"
"Chill, Joey!" Maite ordered. "Let's not worry about this now, huh? Everything will work out. Let's just hope the docs say they can fix Paddy's knee."
Jimmy yawned, slouching lower in the uncomfortable chair.
"I hate hospital waiting rooms." he muttered. "I need sleep… badly."
"We all do, Jimmy!" Patricia said patiently. "It's been one hell of a long night."
"And it was sure nice of them to make us wait 4 hours before even seeing Paddy." Jimmy continued sarcastically.
"They had other emergencies to take care of that were more serious. Now stop whining, will you?" Joey slapped his leg and stood up. "I'm gonna get some more coffee. You want?"
Jimmy shook his head and closed his eyes.
"Guys?" Joey looked to Maite, Angelo and Patricia.
"Get me a Coke and a Twix" Maite said, handing him some money.
"It's 8 AM, Maite. Wouldn't a bagel and coffee be a little more reasonable?" Joey grimaced.
"I need caffeine and sugar. Just do…" her voice trailed off as she pointed into the hallway. "Oh my god… isn't that… ?"
Joey and Jimmy followed her gaze to see what had drawn Maite's attention. A small blonde girl in a white coat was walking down the hall with a group of students, also dressed in the same coats, led by a doctor.
"Agnes?" Jimmy whispered, saying the name that hadn't dared be spoken in months.
"It sure looks like her, doesn't it?' Joey nodded in shock.
"Paddy's Agnes?" Patricia wondered.
Angelo bolted up in his chair and craned his neck to get a better look. By now, the group had reached the end of the hall, so all that was visible was her back.
"It can't be her!" Jimmy said quietly. "That would be just way too freaky. I'm sure there are tons of 1m70 blonde girls in Bonn." He shrugged it off and returned to his lounging position, closing his eyes again.
But Maite wasn't so skeptical. She sat there, still staring out into the hallway, unable to shake the funny feeling she had in the pit of his stomach.
"But what if it is?" she asked quietly.
"Then we do our best to make sure she doesn't find out Paddy is here." Jimmy spat back in disgust.
"Maybe it would be better if they finally talked things out" Patricia suggested. "You know that's what Paddy kept saying he wanted… to confront her and get answers."
"No!" Jimmy argued. "He's coping so well. This would only ruin him again."
"If you say so…" Joey shrugged in defeat, too tired to argue.
"Forget it guys!" Maite intervened, shaking out of her trance. "It probably wasn't even her. I mean, what are the odds, you know? You'll have to excuse my overactive imagination. I'm in desperate need of caffeine and sleep."
"Since when do those two go hand in hand?" Joey cracked. Then he stood up and shoved Maite's money in his pocket. "I'm gonna go down to the cafeteria, get you your well-balanced breakfast and do a little detective work on the side". He flashed them a devilish smile and hurried off in hot pursuit.

Paddy lay in bed, idly flipping channels on the TV. When he reached channel 20, it brought him right back to channel one and he began flipping again. He had been doing that for the past half hour but to no avail.
"Nothing interesting" he complained to himself.
Sighing loudly, he shut off the TV in exasperation and reached for his glass of orange juice on the nearby table. He was met with excruciating pain as he tried to shift his position and groaned in anguish. Settling back down in despair, he wondered if things could possibly get any worse. He tried not to think of the possible number of things the doctors would say was wrong with his knee. He tried not to think of the measures they would have to take to repair it. Would they even be able to repair it?? He shuddered at the thought.
He then began to feel guilty. How many shows would they have to cancel? The fans would be so disappointed… and what about the band? What would they do with all that wasted time off? Maybe they could just continue the show without him…
His mind was racing yet all he wanted to do was go to sleep and wake up from this horrible nightmare. He was exhausted, both mentally and physically. The pain killers were starting to take effect, he noted, as he began to feel light-headed and drowsy.
A knock at the door startled him and his heart began to race when he saw it was the doctor.
'Please don't have bad news for me.' he implored silently.
"Good morning, Paddy" he greeted him cheerily, scanning over his chart and extending an outstretched hand. "I'm Dr. Brown."
Paddy shook his hand politely, eyeing the small group of people standing outside in the hallway.
"Is it that bad you need all those doctor's opinions?" he joked nervously.
"Not at all. And those aren't doctors… yet. They're first year med students. I'm doing a little seminar for them. Would you mind if they came in and took a look at your knee?" Dr. Brown said.
"I don't care." Paddy shrugged listlessly.
"Great!" He waved to the group. "Come on in, guys."
"How bad is it?" Paddy asked tentatively after a second.
"Well… we just took a look at some X-rays… and… I think I'll let the students tell you."
Paddy watched as they filed in and formed a semi-circle around his bed, each one grimacing when they saw the state of his knee. His eyes swept over the group, scorning their air of superiority, but when they fell on a hauntingly familiar face, his heart caught in his chest and he did a double take.
No… It couldn't be… not after all this time…

"Miss Cornell, based on the Xrays and the position we see Paddy's knee in, what diagnosis would you make?"
Agnes didn't even hear Dr. Brown call her name. She was frozen in shock, gaping at the young man lying in the bed before her. Paddy.
They made eye contact for a brief moment, and what Agnes saw within those big blue eyes of his saddened her. His stony gaze was cold, and reflected a painful contempt that could only be for her.
Paddy purposely disregarded her and shifted his gaze elsewhere, but Agnes couldn't tear her eyes away from him. It had been seven months since she had seen that handsome face of his… yet he was exactly as she remembered him. Except for his beard, which was now darker and a bit longer.
Agnes's knees weakened at the sight of him as old memories and emotions came rushing back to her. She grabbed hold of the bedrail to steady herself.
"Miss Cornell!" Dr. Brown called again, a little more sternly this time. "I know Paddy is famous, but you're gaping at him like a lovesick teenybopper!"
The rest of her classmates chuckled in amusement and Agnes felt her face grow hot.
"Miss Cornell!" Dr. Brown prodded again. "I'm waiting for an answer."
When Agnes tried to speak, her voice came out in a whisper.
"What was the question, sir?" she asked hoarsely.
Dr. Brown shot her a look of disapproval and asked the boy beside Agnes the same question. He answered quickly and confidently and Dr. Brown praised his response.
"Excellent Damon. Concentration is the key to becoming an adept physician." He shot another stern look in Agnes's direction and then turned back to Paddy.
"As Damon said, your sinew is torn. It's a common injury, especially among sports players. It's also a common surgery as well, so you have nothing to worry about."
Paddy swallowed thickly, trying to overcome the lump in his throat.
"How long until I can walk again?" he asked, fearing the answer.
"You'll be on crutches for over a month."
Paddy groaned inwardly. 'A month? They would have to cancel over 20 shows. The guys would be so upset. And the fans completely devastated…' he thought. This was all his fault. If he had concentrated more, he wouldn't be in this predicament right now.
He snuck a look over at Agnes and scowled in disgust. It was all her fault, too. He wanted to lash out and scream at her… tell her everything that had been building up inside him for the past seven months. She deserved to know just how much her selfishness had ruined his life.
Clenching his fists at his side, he shut his eyes, fighting back all the tears of frustration. He couldn't bear to look at her anymore. It was too painful. 
Dr. Brown continued to lecture to his group, pointing out other details of interest concerning his leg, but Paddy tried to drown him out, focusing instead on how he would be able to make amends to the guys and to his fans. The pain killers finally kicked in and he soon drifted off into a deep sleep.

Agnes stood outside Paddy's room, her heart pounding furiously inside her chest. All afternoon she had thought about what she would say to him and how she would say it, but all of a sudden, her mind fell blank again. She tried to move forward but her feet were frozen to the floor in hesitation and fear. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.
While she was struggling between her mind and heart, the door to Paddy's room opened abruptly, nearly knocking her out. She was jolted out of her heavy thoughts and reflexively stepped backwards to avoid the near collision, only to find herself face to face with Jimmy.
He scowled when he saw her, knowing exactly what she was planning on doing.
"You have a lot of nerve showing up here." he reprimanded, speaking quietly so as not to alert Paddy.
Agnes spoke calmly, neither surprised nor offended by his hostile attitude.
"I need to see Paddy."
"You've caused enough damage, don't you think?"
"It's not your place to judge me or my actions, Jimmy."
"All I know is that you broke my brother's heart and completely tore him apart."
"I had my reasons."
"You were a cruel and selfish bitch, to put it plainly. Now please, leave before I have to call security and have them physically remove you."
Tears welled up in Agnes's eyes at the animosity in Jimmy's voice. He used to be her friend. Now he was repulsed by the mere sight of her. But could she blame him?
"Jimmy please?" she begged humbly. "I need to speak to him."
"Nothing you say can change things, Agnes."
"I never said I wanted to change things."
"Then leave the past in the past. Paddy has moved on. Seeing you again after all this time would only be detrimental to his recovery."
Agnes fell silent. She didn't know what else to say to Jimmy other than beg like a desperate child.
"Jimmy!" she pleaded again, her voice quivering. "Please. I'm begging you."
"Let her go, Jimmy. You have no right to stop her." Joey's voice rang out with authority, startling both Agnes and Jimmy.
Jimmy turned around in surprise and exchanged a disapproving glance with his brother. "Paddy's asleep" he replied coolly.
"Then she can wait for him to wake up."
"Joey…" Jimmy began to protest in a warning voice.
"Step away from the door, Jimmy" Joey ordered again, more sternly this time.
Jimmy's face flushed in humiliation, he flashed Joey a look that could kill and then stormed off without further protest.
Agnes looked at Joey gratefully.
"Thank you" she replied humbly.
"Whatever you do, just please don't make things worse" he said quietly.
Agnes nodded in submission, but for some reason still could not move forward. She gave Joey a long look of despair, wanting to say so much more to him… wanting to explain why she did what she did and how deeply she regretted it afterwards, but it would be no use because his opinion of her most likely mirrored Jimmy's.
Bowing her head shamefully, she turned away from him and finally found the courage to step inside. Paddy really was asleep. He was sleeping upright, head cocked to one side of the pillow, while his bad leg was propped up, immobilized in traction. He looked so uncomfortable in that position but was unable to lie flat on his back due to the traction apparatus.
Agnes wasn't used to seeing him so helpless and so vulnerable. He had always been so strong and confident and completely invincible. Now he looked like a frightened child as he slept, powerless in a situation over which he had no control over. He was at the mercy of the doctors now. And at the mercy of fate. As he stirred slightly in his sleep and turned his head to the opposite side of the pillow, his hospital gown shifted, revealing something he was wearing around his neck.
Agnes did a double take, and her heart caught in her throat when she saw what it was. The blue and white beads she had left for him before saying goodbye. He had never taken them off.

I don't know if I have time to continue this story. The end of school year is coming, so time to stop dreaming and fix marks :) I don't know how I can do it, because I can't stop thinking about their new CD and their new concert... Ohm, back to the story. Here is your question: Will Paddy finally hear 'I love you' from Agnes?

97% chose 'Yes' in the booth, only 3% for 'No', it's one vote against 29. The last part is waiting for you.

{ PART 15 }